Anthony Bourdain Didn’t Die in Vain
If you are like most people, when someone of note such as Anthony Bourdain kills himself you might think, why? He was so gifted, so loved, so talented. Had a great job, fantastic children, beautiful wife. He was super blessed! What a waste.
But, if you suffer from depression as I do, whenever someone who seemingly has SO much to live for, voluntarily checks themselves out, it can make life much more more difficult.
This is why calls on the suicide hotlines have spiked. Everyone seems to be asking themselves, if the uber successful and globally loved can’t make it through life, how do I? I can so relate.
TRIGGER WARNING…
See, though only recently diagnosed with depression, like many, I’d kinda been pushing through and ignoring the symptoms for the last 20 years.
Silly me, I guess I should have known what was going on.
My childhood was almost a textbook case for depression or worse.
Mom divorced dad when I was six, then from ages 10 to 14, my step father mentally and physically abused me. I was 11 when he began beating me with a boat paddle, often cause I couldn’t do pushups.
But, other than the two times I almost killed myself when I was in my late teens, when the “blues” got bad, I just thought I was really sad.
In fact, until two years ago, when I suffered a near suicidal breakdown, I thought I was doing alright. After seven months of therapy, I was able to carry on.
By telling my story, I hope to keep anyone else from being another suicide statistic. Here are the four things which continually help me.
Commit to the Resistance. Near as I can figure when it’s in full swing, my depression wants to crush me down into a tiny insignificant ball, keep me there and eventually kill me. While I’m determined not to let that happen, it’s not easy. None of us are superman, and this isn’t a movie set. I mean in the last two weeks, two people lost their battle and ended what many would consider fairy tale lives! So to be honest, I still beat myself up over stuff. I still fail, something can come along, and I can get pretty low, pretty fast. To the best of my ability, I continually act against the depressive thoughts. When it says don’t go outside, I go for a walk, look up at the sky, and try to remember how amazing it is to be alive. If it says don’t exercise, I get in my clothes, put my shoes on get to the gym for a good sweat. When it says don’t talk about my situation, I work to do just that. I try to remember to be gentle when I fall low. The truth is, Depression is cyclical, and we are all in a continual cycle of failing and succeeding, so I try not to berate myself when I stumble.
Don’t pretend and ignore. In 2012, one in ten people, approximately 38 million, suffered from depression. So, seem as how statistics are kinda inaccurate, and depression is on the rise, this means, right now, as many as 20 million people are living life in a continual state of denial. I know denial doesn’t work, so I don’t use that plan. Also, though I know most think depression means expensive counseling and anti-depressants, I don’t use those options either. I use life “anchors”, meditation, mindfulness, and a system of thought tracking and evaluation. When my patterns and behaviours start wavering, I pay attention and investigate, which brings me to my next point.
Be Columbo. Ah, Columbo, ever heard of him? Well, in the late 70’s, good TV meant great detective shows, and one of the best was Columbo. Unassuming, calm, and self assured in his beat up trench coat, Columbo always got his man! Well, when it comes to Depression, my aim is to be Columbo. Rather than turn away from and hide from it, I study it. Every twist and turn it takes, I’m following. Im intimately aware of my triggers, and I know the typical “themes” it uses to hurt me. The three or four cognitive distortions it has used in the past to trip me up are intimately familiar to me. In short, I watch it like a caldron simmering on the head of a pin. Speaking of pins, if you feel you are dealing with this the most important you can do is…
Be a billboard. Dont’ keep the secret. Tell someone.
Be as open as you can about your struggle. Don’t let it win.
Tim Ferriss only a year before the start of his becoming the world famous author, motivator, speaker, and serial entrepreneur we know him as today, had plans and serious intent to commit suicide. Here’s what he says about suicide.
“Killing yourself is like taking your pain, multiplying it 10x, and giving it to the ones who love you. I agree with this, but there’s more. Beyond any loved ones, you could include neighbors, innocent bystanders exposed to your death, and people — often kids — who commit “copycat suicides” when they read about your demise. This is the reality, not the cure-all fantasy, of suicide.”
Anthony Bourdain lost his battle, but you don’t have to.
The only good thing which has come from his death has been the call for more indepth study of depression and the necessary destigmatization of it.
Please, if you need to talk to someone, follow these fantastic options:
Call this number : 1 (800) 273–8255. It’s the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (website and live chat here). It’s available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in both English and Spanish.
